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Topic Title: Joke of the day Topic Summary: You want/need a laugh? This thread keeps getting better and better!!! Created On: 04/29/2009 07:25 PM |
Linear : Threading : Single : Branch |
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- Mama G | - 04/29/2009 07:25 PM |
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- Maktaq | - 04/30/2009 03:45 AM |
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- Timinator | - 04/30/2009 06:46 AM |
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- BSpec | - 05/01/2009 07:43 AM |
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- bob3000 | - 05/01/2009 02:08 PM |
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- jdbman | - 07/07/2021 04:11 AM |
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- Mama G | - 05/02/2009 06:26 AM |
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- jdbman | - 05/02/2009 10:17 AM |
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- princibill | - 05/02/2009 04:07 PM |
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- thole | - 05/03/2009 11:47 AM |
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- GreenLantern | - 05/03/2009 11:59 AM |
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- Tomkat | - 05/06/2009 07:42 AM |
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- princibill | - 05/06/2009 06:53 PM |
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- JBSURF | - 05/08/2009 11:46 AM |
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- JBSURF | - 05/15/2009 06:00 AM |
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- Tomkat | - 05/15/2009 10:18 AM |
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- JBSURF | - 05/16/2009 06:20 PM |
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- thole | - 05/17/2009 11:44 AM |
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- Mama G | - 05/21/2009 06:10 PM |
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- wavecrestsurf | - 05/23/2009 05:05 AM |
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- johnnyboy | - 05/24/2009 12:16 PM |
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- Pagerow | - 05/28/2009 05:42 AM |
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- crankit | - 06/01/2009 11:49 AM |
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- jdbman | - 08/01/2009 09:45 AM |
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- sdt57301 | - 08/01/2009 05:05 PM |
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- jdbman | - 08/02/2009 03:54 PM |
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- jdbman | - 08/03/2009 10:14 AM |
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- Burry | - 08/03/2009 01:20 PM |
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- jdbman | - 08/15/2009 12:31 PM |
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- Mama G | - 08/16/2009 08:28 AM |
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- jdbman | - 08/17/2009 03:17 AM |
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- jdbman | - 08/25/2009 04:02 PM |
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- jdbman | - 08/28/2009 03:22 PM |
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- Fish Killer | - 09/03/2009 02:15 PM |
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- jdbman | - 09/04/2009 03:51 PM |
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- wetspot | - 09/05/2009 03:36 PM |
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- thole | - 09/06/2009 10:19 AM |
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- jdbman | - 09/08/2009 05:10 PM |
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- wavecrestsurf | - 09/09/2009 04:40 PM |
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- Long Beard | - 09/09/2009 05:06 PM |
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- jdbman | - 09/11/2009 04:50 AM |
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- jdbman | - 09/16/2009 03:30 PM |
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- jdbman | - 09/16/2009 03:31 PM |
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- wetspot | - 09/22/2009 07:38 AM |
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- early eye | - 09/24/2009 02:53 PM |
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- 333rider | - 09/24/2009 04:14 PM |
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- jdbman | - 09/30/2009 03:37 AM |
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- JBSURF | - 10/07/2009 11:36 AM |
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- johnnyboy | - 10/07/2009 11:57 AM |
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- JBSURF | - 10/12/2009 02:54 PM |
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- turning japanese | - 10/12/2009 04:55 PM |
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- somebodyelse | - 11/10/2009 02:03 PM |
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- JBSURF | - 11/10/2009 03:18 PM |
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- Mama G | - 11/23/2009 02:37 PM |
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- tpapablo | - 11/25/2009 09:10 AM |
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- Sideshow | - 11/25/2009 10:32 AM |
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- thole | - 11/27/2009 08:52 AM |
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- thole | - 11/27/2009 10:04 AM |
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- thole | - 10/31/2009 05:01 PM |
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- Long Beard | - 11/01/2009 10:50 PM |
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- bob3000 | - 11/02/2009 08:38 AM |
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- tingo | - 11/02/2009 11:54 AM |
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- Mama G | - 11/03/2009 05:09 AM |
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- DaveFL76 | - 11/03/2009 07:54 AM |
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- JBSURF | - 12/26/2009 02:22 PM |
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- Mama G | - 01/10/2010 06:23 PM |
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- jdbman | - 10/14/2009 04:32 AM |
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- burn7 | - 10/14/2009 02:00 PM |
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- thole | - 10/16/2009 10:02 AM |
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- Beachcomber | - 11/03/2009 02:08 PM |
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- JBSURF | - 11/04/2009 03:34 PM |
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- Mama G | - 11/05/2009 06:04 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 12/17/2009 07:07 AM |
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- Mama G | - 12/20/2009 07:18 AM |
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- ponch | - 12/23/2009 06:47 AM |
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- Beachcomber | - 12/10/2009 12:02 PM |
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- thole | - 12/16/2009 03:07 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 01/15/2010 02:13 AM |
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- Beachcomber | - 01/15/2010 02:19 AM |
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- Beachcomber | - 01/15/2010 02:22 AM |
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- JBSURF | - 01/15/2010 06:34 AM |
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- thole | - 01/17/2010 09:09 AM |
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- MichaelSknabriaf | - 01/17/2010 07:16 PM |
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- artman | - 01/21/2010 07:10 AM |
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- Pagerow | - 02/05/2010 11:04 AM |
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- Mama G | - 02/06/2010 07:06 PM |
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- Mama G | - 02/09/2010 05:44 PM |
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- Mama G | - 02/13/2010 06:45 PM |
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- ograbac | - 12/16/2010 06:53 AM |
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- thole | - 12/18/2010 09:00 AM |
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- JBSURF | - 12/25/2010 09:12 PM |
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- jdbman | - 10/19/2009 03:23 AM |
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- IMonkeyBoyI | - 10/20/2009 01:10 AM |
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- johnnyboy | - 10/21/2009 08:36 AM |
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- JBSURF | - 10/21/2009 07:11 PM |
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- wetspot | - 10/24/2009 08:36 AM |
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- Christina | - 12/16/2009 05:51 PM |
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- bob3000 | - 12/17/2009 05:29 AM |
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- somebodyelse | - 12/17/2009 05:41 AM |
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- bob3000 | - 12/17/2009 05:52 AM |
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- jdbman | - 09/22/2010 08:04 AM |
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- thole | - 09/26/2010 09:30 AM |
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- jdbman | - 12/09/2010 11:44 AM |
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- kookyak | - 12/10/2010 02:21 PM |
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- Streets | - 03/03/2011 06:16 AM |
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- tuberidecity | - 03/04/2011 08:42 AM |
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- Streets | - 03/05/2011 03:54 PM |
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- Streets | - 04/02/2011 11:08 AM |
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- bus | - 02/16/2011 08:10 AM |
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- russ5316 | - 03/28/2011 07:14 AM |
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- jdbman | - 04/04/2011 10:17 AM |
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- garcia | - 04/04/2011 11:36 AM |
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- Brujo | - 07/06/2011 11:44 AM |
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- Marperro | - 07/06/2011 12:24 PM |
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- jdbman | - 07/26/2011 09:05 AM |
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- Pagerow | - 07/27/2011 07:48 AM |
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- GsusSurfs | - 07/27/2011 08:03 AM |
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- Burry | - 07/28/2011 06:14 PM |
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- somebodyelse | - 08/04/2011 04:20 AM |
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- Karma | - 08/04/2011 09:36 AM |
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- worksuxgetsponsered | - 08/04/2011 01:06 PM |
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- Pagerow | - 08/08/2011 06:11 AM |
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- Brujo | - 08/09/2011 10:16 AM |
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- Jose Cuervo | - 08/09/2011 11:41 AM |
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- Streets | - 08/09/2011 03:59 PM |
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- Streets | - 08/09/2011 04:00 PM |
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- Brujo | - 08/09/2011 04:03 PM |
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- Brujo | - 08/22/2011 09:35 AM |
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- Pagerow | - 08/23/2011 12:03 PM |
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- nightkro | - 08/22/2012 07:12 AM |
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- bus | - 08/22/2013 11:09 AM |
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- kookyak | - 08/22/2013 03:18 PM |
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- Tstdamo | - 10/02/2010 03:41 PM |
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- Tstdamo | - 10/02/2010 03:42 PM |
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- RustyTruck | - 10/04/2010 06:33 AM |
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- thole | - 10/04/2010 01:15 PM |
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- HawaiianSalt | - 10/05/2010 04:40 PM |
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- SATBCHSURFIN | - 10/07/2010 07:43 AM |
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- somebodyelse | - 10/08/2010 05:26 AM |
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- tahoe | - 10/10/2010 07:42 PM |
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- tahoe | - 10/11/2010 10:56 AM |
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- tahoe | - 10/13/2010 05:54 AM |
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- somebodyelse | - 10/13/2010 06:44 AM |
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- somebodyelse | - 10/14/2010 07:10 AM |
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- JBSURF | - 10/14/2010 06:19 PM |
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- JBSURF | - 10/18/2010 08:03 AM |
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- somebodyelse | - 10/22/2010 07:27 AM |
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- SocialistSteve | - 10/30/2010 11:43 AM |
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- Pagerow | - 11/01/2010 06:49 AM |
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- Mama G | - 06/01/2009 01:34 PM |
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- johnnyboy | - 06/04/2009 07:30 AM |
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- Mama G | - 06/06/2009 07:37 AM |
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- sdt57301 | - 06/11/2009 07:40 PM |
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- Igoyoustay | - 06/14/2009 04:14 PM |
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- Long Beard | - 06/14/2009 08:11 PM |
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- Long Beard | - 06/14/2009 08:12 PM |
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- princibill | - 06/14/2009 08:39 PM |
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- crankit | - 06/15/2009 09:22 AM |
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- thole | - 06/16/2009 06:21 AM |
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- thole | - 06/22/2009 02:38 PM |
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- worksuxgetsponsered | - 06/29/2009 08:08 AM |
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- sdt57301 | - 06/30/2009 08:35 PM |
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- GREG | - 07/01/2009 11:39 PM |
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- crankit | - 07/02/2009 12:50 PM |
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- crankit | - 07/02/2009 01:02 PM |
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- Pagerow | - 07/06/2009 06:27 AM |
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- somebodyelse | - 07/06/2009 09:40 AM |
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- jdbman | - 07/06/2009 05:37 PM |
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- eibla | - 09/09/2009 07:25 PM |
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- dingpatch | - 09/10/2009 10:07 AM |
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- jdbman | - 07/06/2009 05:39 PM |
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- Jib | - 07/07/2009 02:22 PM |
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- Mama G | - 07/10/2009 06:19 AM |
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- MikeOfAtlanta | - 07/10/2009 03:35 PM |
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- JBSURF | - 07/11/2009 04:42 PM |
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- Pagerow | - 07/13/2009 12:13 PM |
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- JBSURF | - 07/15/2009 12:49 PM |
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- LouisB | - 07/16/2009 05:29 PM |
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- Maktaq | - 07/19/2009 11:03 PM |
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- ReedBeach | - 07/20/2009 04:14 PM |
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- sdt57301 | - 07/24/2009 04:31 AM |
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- jdbman | - 07/26/2009 08:01 AM |
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- jdbman | - 07/26/2009 08:04 AM |
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- sdt57301 | - 07/27/2009 04:04 PM |
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- GMAN | - 07/27/2009 05:36 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 09/08/2009 01:18 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 09/25/2009 11:11 AM |
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- JBSURF | - 08/04/2009 03:58 PM |
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- jdbman | - 08/06/2009 04:46 AM |
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- JBSURF | - 08/07/2009 10:51 AM |
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- thole | - 08/09/2009 12:25 PM |
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- Pagerow | - 08/10/2009 12:30 PM |
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- Mama G | - 07/29/2009 04:51 PM |
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- Pagerow | - 07/30/2009 05:41 AM |
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- RustyTruck | - 07/31/2009 12:54 PM |
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- tingo | - 07/31/2009 01:42 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 08/26/2009 05:41 AM |
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- paddleout | - 08/27/2009 07:24 PM |
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- JBSURF | - 09/27/2009 07:23 PM |
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- Maktaq | - 09/29/2009 11:14 PM |
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- Captain Obvious | - 02/13/2010 06:49 PM |
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- Captain Obvious | - 02/13/2010 08:03 PM |
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- artman | - 02/14/2010 08:12 AM |
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- Long Beard | - 02/15/2010 02:43 AM |
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- kookyak | - 02/15/2010 10:16 AM |
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- johnnyboy | - 02/16/2010 08:10 AM |
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- artman | - 02/16/2010 02:07 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 03/13/2010 04:18 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 03/15/2010 08:38 PM |
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- sad39 | - 03/16/2010 06:21 AM |
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- RustyTruck | - 03/16/2010 07:33 AM |
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- RustyTruck | - 03/17/2010 11:27 AM |
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- Beachcomber | - 03/18/2010 07:10 AM |
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- RustyTruck | - 03/25/2010 09:34 AM |
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- TueurDePoisson | - 03/29/2010 01:19 PM |
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- TueurDePoisson | - 03/30/2010 03:19 AM |
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- artman | - 03/31/2010 06:48 AM |
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- DaveFL76 | - 03/31/2010 07:14 AM |
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- Beachcomber | - 04/07/2010 10:03 AM |
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- Beachcomber | - 04/12/2010 04:33 AM |
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- Beachcomber | - 04/13/2010 06:44 AM |
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- Mama G | - 02/19/2010 05:01 AM |
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- Zeus | - 02/22/2010 07:34 AM |
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- thole | - 02/23/2010 07:08 AM |
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- crankit | - 02/24/2010 12:38 PM |
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- Mama G | - 02/27/2010 11:58 AM |
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- SATBCHSURFIN | - 03/03/2010 09:20 AM |
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- ponch | - 03/04/2010 05:13 PM |
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- johnnyboy | - 03/06/2010 08:42 PM |
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- artman | - 03/07/2010 04:58 AM |
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- Bamboo | - 03/08/2010 10:30 AM |
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- Surfgrl4ever | - 03/08/2010 05:56 PM |
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- crankit | - 03/09/2010 01:30 PM |
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- Fairweathersurfer | - 03/09/2010 06:29 PM |
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- searancher | - 03/10/2010 07:46 AM |
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- thole | - 03/13/2010 05:52 AM |
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- SocialistSteve | - 04/06/2010 06:14 AM |
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- thole | - 04/06/2010 02:25 PM |
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- spatchulahand | - 04/07/2010 10:03 AM |
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- spatchulahand | - 04/07/2010 10:06 AM |
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- spatchulahand | - 04/07/2010 03:01 PM |
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- Long Beard | - 04/08/2010 12:15 PM |
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- johnnyboy | - 04/09/2010 08:29 AM |
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- Long Beard | - 04/09/2010 01:27 PM |
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- artman | - 04/10/2010 05:15 PM |
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- Long Beard | - 04/10/2010 07:19 PM |
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- Long Beard | - 04/12/2010 10:42 AM |
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- Long Beard | - 04/13/2010 01:53 PM |
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- crankit | - 04/15/2010 06:55 AM |
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- Long Beard | - 04/15/2010 11:33 AM |
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- crankit | - 04/15/2010 12:25 PM |
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- Fairweathersurfer | - 04/15/2010 05:50 PM |
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- 3rdworldlover | - 04/16/2010 05:50 AM |
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- johnnyboy | - 04/16/2010 11:22 AM |
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- wetspot | - 04/16/2010 12:35 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 06/04/2010 07:01 AM |
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- Beachcomber | - 06/16/2010 07:49 AM |
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- Beachcomber | - 07/08/2010 08:41 AM |
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- Beachcomber | - 07/09/2010 06:56 AM |
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- SocialistSteve | - 07/12/2010 06:25 PM |
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- JBSURF | - 07/13/2010 06:11 PM |
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- sdt57301 | - 07/15/2010 04:02 AM |
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- spatchulahand | - 07/15/2010 07:31 AM |
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- thole | - 07/17/2010 07:44 AM |
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- JBSURF | - 09/27/2010 06:17 AM |
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- thole | - 09/27/2010 12:47 PM |
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- Central Floridave | - 09/28/2010 05:37 PM |
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- Central Floridave | - 09/28/2010 05:47 PM |
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- tahoe | - 09/29/2010 05:36 AM |
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- JBSURF | - 09/29/2010 03:07 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 07/17/2010 03:55 PM |
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- JBSURF | - 07/17/2010 05:20 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 07/21/2010 06:21 AM |
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- RustyTruck | - 07/23/2010 10:19 AM |
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- Beachcomber | - 07/28/2010 09:08 AM |
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- Beachcomber | - 07/29/2010 11:56 AM |
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- Beachcomber | - 08/01/2010 01:39 PM |
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- SATBCHSURFIN | - 08/04/2010 01:18 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 08/16/2010 06:07 AM |
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- SocialistSteve | - 09/12/2010 09:21 AM |
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- SocialistSteve | - 09/12/2010 11:56 AM |
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- Pagerow | - 11/05/2010 06:02 AM |
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- Pagerow | - 11/05/2010 06:06 AM |
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- Pagerow | - 11/05/2010 06:29 AM |
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- Marperro | - 11/05/2010 11:30 AM |
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- Burry | - 11/05/2010 02:45 PM |
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- Marperro | - 11/05/2010 06:17 PM |
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- thole | - 11/06/2010 05:57 AM |
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- Pagerow | - 11/12/2010 10:26 AM |
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- tpapablo | - 11/15/2010 01:15 PM |
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- thole | - 11/15/2010 01:23 PM |
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- SocialistSteve | - 12/16/2010 04:55 AM |
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- SocialistSteve | - 12/30/2010 06:12 AM |
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- SocialistSteve | - 01/08/2011 10:22 AM |
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- SocialistSteve | - 01/08/2011 06:29 PM |
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- somebodyelse | - 02/23/2011 10:18 AM |
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- Pagerow | - 02/23/2011 11:59 AM |
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- somebodyelse | - 03/08/2011 02:08 PM |
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- Streets | - 03/08/2011 08:11 PM |
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- Streets | - 03/09/2011 11:49 AM |
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- SocialistSteve | - 09/12/2010 11:57 AM |
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- Beachcomber | - 08/16/2010 07:24 AM |
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- SATBCHSURFIN | - 08/16/2010 09:36 AM |
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- kookyak | - 08/16/2010 11:42 AM |
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- johnnyboy | - 08/19/2010 12:48 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 08/21/2010 09:48 AM |
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- SocialistSteve | - 09/01/2010 02:08 AM |
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- tahoe | - 09/14/2010 04:58 AM |
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- turning japanese | - 09/16/2010 01:54 PM |
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- thole | - 09/16/2010 02:15 PM |
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- tahoe | - 09/17/2010 03:24 PM |
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- RustyTruck | - 09/20/2010 08:39 AM |
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- JBSURF | - 09/21/2010 05:46 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 09/01/2010 07:50 AM |
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- Beachcomber | - 09/02/2010 03:37 PM |
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- RustyTruck | - 09/03/2010 01:20 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 09/06/2010 05:33 AM |
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- thole | - 09/06/2010 01:37 PM |
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- Pagerow | - 09/08/2010 12:09 PM |
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- thole | - 09/11/2010 08:21 AM |
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- Beachcomber | - 08/05/2010 02:13 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 08/10/2010 11:49 PM |
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- thole | - 08/11/2010 01:14 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 08/11/2010 02:02 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 08/14/2010 02:19 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 08/14/2010 02:39 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 08/23/2010 12:32 AM |
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- JBSURF | - 08/27/2010 06:09 PM |
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- jcortez13 | - 08/28/2010 04:49 PM |
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- thole | - 08/29/2010 09:26 AM |
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- Beachcomber | - 04/22/2010 02:04 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 04/25/2010 11:05 AM |
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- turning japanese | - 04/25/2010 07:15 PM |
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- Beachcomber | - 04/26/2010 05:06 AM |
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- johnnyboy | - 04/27/2010 09:43 AM |
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- SATBCHSURFIN | - 04/28/2010 10:28 AM |
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- Mama G | - 04/29/2010 05:13 PM |
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- somebodyelse | - 05/17/2010 04:39 AM |
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- Streets | - 07/06/2011 08:45 PM |
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- Streets | - 07/09/2011 10:36 AM |
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- Streets | - 07/09/2011 04:53 PM |
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- Streets | - 08/20/2011 02:46 PM |
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- Zeus | - 09/26/2011 05:13 AM |
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- Brujo | - 09/26/2011 08:43 AM |
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- Streets | - 09/27/2011 06:13 AM |
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- Brujo | - 10/09/2011 01:27 PM |
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- Brujo | - 10/21/2011 09:58 AM |
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- JBSURF | - 11/12/2011 03:51 PM |
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- Brujo | - 12/29/2011 12:47 PM |
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- Brujo | - 11/17/2011 09:46 AM |
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- turning japanese | - 11/26/2011 08:24 PM |
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- Brujo | - 11/30/2011 01:34 PM |
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- thole | - 12/06/2011 09:53 AM |
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- thole | - 12/12/2011 08:57 AM |
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- Zeus | - 12/19/2011 06:25 AM |
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- Streets | - 12/25/2011 08:00 AM |
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- Streets | - 12/28/2011 06:36 AM |
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- MaloTurista | - 01/05/2012 06:24 AM |
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- thole | - 02/05/2012 09:41 AM |
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- Zeus | - 02/06/2012 10:55 AM |
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- Zeus | - 02/06/2012 01:11 PM |
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- B4UAccuseMe | - 07/30/2012 08:59 AM |
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- artman | - 07/30/2012 03:27 PM |
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- Zeus | - 07/31/2012 09:37 AM |
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- McLean | - 12/17/2012 05:11 PM |
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- thole | - 12/24/2012 11:54 AM |
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- somebodyelse | - 08/16/2012 07:18 AM |
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- Zeus | - 11/14/2012 10:19 AM |
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- Pagerow | - 11/19/2012 07:36 AM |
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- McLean | - 02/11/2013 10:03 AM |
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- B4UAccuseMe | - 06/16/2012 12:36 PM |
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- B4UAccuseMe | - 06/19/2012 05:22 AM |
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- somebodyelse | - 06/20/2012 07:12 AM |
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- Pagerow | - 06/20/2012 07:18 AM |
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 Topic Tools
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 09/03/2010 01:20 PM
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Subject: Warning to all golfers
Buttercups and Golf Balls
Towards the end of a round of golf, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups.
Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden... POOF!!
In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.
She said, 'I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life... better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life.... As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!!'
Then POOF!... she was gone!
After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, 'Fred, where are you?'
Fred yells back 'I'm over here in the pussy willows.'
Dave shouts back,
'DON'T SWING, Fred, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING!!!'
------------------------- "Hey, where's Cricket?" - Kristi Noem's daughter. |
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09/06/2010 05:33 AM
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A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works. Finally he asked her,
"Does your Mother feed you like this at home?" "No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either." |
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09/06/2010 01:37 PM
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An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl, biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke? The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says: 'Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. 'Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke? The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.' ------------------------- Silence is golden, duct tape is silver. |
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09/08/2010 12:09 PM
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A fifth grade Teacher gave her class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. Onetime we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a big ump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher. Next, little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs onetime, but when they hatched us only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens before they're hatched." "That was a fine story Sarah." Johnny wildly raises his hand. Reluctantly, the teacher asks, "Yes, Johnny, do you have a story to share?" "Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay the f**k away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking." ------------------------- GOP: Gaslight Obstruct Project |
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09/11/2010 08:21 AM
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You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One!
You don't even have to like 'em! > > We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year's Eve >Party. > We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered >our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. > > We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. > The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the >house. > > As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the >yard, scoots back into the house. > We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always >tries to eat the bird. > > My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside >to get the cat. > The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. > Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know >that the house will be empty for the night. > So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, > 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.' > > A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so >long,' I said, as we drove away. > 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke >her a$$ with a coat hanger to get her to come out! > She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, >I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. > But it worked! I hauled her fat a$$ downstairs and threw >her out into the back yard! > She better not sh*t in the vegetable garden again!' > > The silence in the cab was deafening. ------------------------- Silence is golden, duct tape is silver. |
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