Anyone have any advice on adoption?
There's an opportunity for the wife and I to adopt a 5 year old who's parents passed away.

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Edited: 12/02/2016 at 08:32 AM by Pagerow

Why Not?
Dave Thomas comes to mind!


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BurrysBreak

Inflation caused The BIG BANG...look it up!

What an honorable thing to do! Give a kid a chance. My best to you sir.

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Thanks, jdbman! We know it is a HUGE undertaking, and we aren't taking it lightly. We never had kids ourselves, we're in our mid 40's, and kind of settled in our ways. So we know it would be a big shake up in our lives.

It brings up the legality of: if we are raising the child a certain way, and the current family want her to be raised a different way, we think that might be a opening up a big can of worms.

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My Mom (retired now) worked adoptions for many years. I can see if I can get some contact numbers if you want to call someone.

Thanks TATTOO!

For now, we will probably become an "aunt and uncle" and take care of the child on a trial basis to help the aunts with the VERY energetic 5 year old.

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GOP:

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I applaud you, an amazing oppourtunity to give another human. My wife works in social work. If you are fostering, know that it can be a huge challenge to deal with the legal system, and all of it's shortcomings. What seems obvious to you and I, and even a judge, doesn't mean the law says it will be so. 

As the parent of an energetic 5 year old girl myself....good luck. In all the best ways, they will wreck your life.  

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I envy you. This is gift that will open your heart in ways you can't imagine.

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"One of the reasons why propaganda tries to get you to hate government is because it's the one existing institution in which people can participate to some extent and constrain tyrannical unaccountable power." Noam Chomsky.

I've adopted two. My advice...do NOT adopt kids who are older that your bio kids, and if you adopt a boy, make sure he is at least 3 or 4 years younger than your youngest bio kid. This is no joke. I am also involved with many other adoptive parents. Take it deadly seriously. Protect your bio kids or the kids you already have via adoption. I am personally aware of at least 18 cases of serious abuse on bio kids by adopted kids who were horribly abused at their previous stops. They can destroy your other kids. So, while I am a propnent of adoption in some cases, protect what you have before you try and be a hero. I mean that nicely, and from personal experience. You cannot afford to make a mistake...the stakes are very high.

Well....being that the OP said he and his wife are mid 40's with no kids, and are adopting a five year old girl, I don't think they have anything to worry about? why don't you help him out with the process instead of the doom and gloom.

OP, someone is going to have to go through DCF. Are the kids wards of the state? If they have a biological aunt, who the state has given rights to, she is going to be running things.  

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My comments are for anyone who reads this thread and is inspired to adopt. I am glad to stick my neck out there and be a downer if it convinces even one person to proceed cautiously if they want to adopt/foster, but already have kids. I think this might be a good situation for Pagerow, and wish him and his wife the best. 

Thanks for your comments ummm. I had often thought of that scenario, where older kids might take advantage of younger ones. Luckily, we don't fall into that category, so it is a good warning to others.

Tyrone, my wife met with the aunt and the child last Friday, and the aunt is a bit more capable than we first thought. In the wife's opinion, she is the best one (of the other aunts) that would give the best care for the child.

However, she will need some help about twice a month taking care of the child, so we are going to be the "new" aunt and uncle taking her for a weekend to give the aunt a break.

The child has ADHD, has TONS of energy, very smart, and has a strong personality.

This will be a good introduction for us to see if we really want this huge change in our lives.

Thanks for all the input!

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GOP:

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MAD PROPS on stepping up for a child (and Aunt) that needs someone!!



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"Most people would die sooner than think; in fact, they do." - Bertrand Russell


"Morality is doing what is right, regardless of what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, regardless of what is right.


If I do not answer you .... nothing personal, I just have you on ignore.

P, you and L will make great parents!

 

 

Aunt & uncle sounds like a fine setup.  My niece and her husband are in the process of a formal adoption, going smoothly so far.

I'm just getting paperwork filed to adopt my step daughters. Their bio dad is a deadbeat and not involved, and I've been Dad for a long time now.

We've retained Melissa Peat from Coastal Legal. Her credentials are top notch and she's very easy so far to work with. She even saw us for free to discuss feasibility.

She's a local too.

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In biology, such behavior of cells is called "cancer".

PR, if you want help on your end, I've got two daughters just hitting baby sitting age, certified at Schecter.

I don't imagine you're planning on heading out to dinner on your night with the girl but you may well find yourself interested in young assistants when you've got the little girl over to visit!

I will say this about ADHD "diagnoses": my oldest was tagged with that label, we went through a very brief period of meds, she hated the way they made her feel and made a conscious effort to "chill out" when the situation called for it (when teachers demand it) in exchange for never taking another pill and we've never had any problem since.

Five year olds act like five year olds, some more so than others, but that didn't used to be a surprise. I'm no doctor, and I'm sure it is a problem for some parents, but my advice is to keep the natural, old school approach in mind: young kids are like puppies so wear 'em out during the day and set expectations for good behavior in the house.

Also, get ready to pick up the pace and learn to love chicken nuggets!

Toughest job you'll ever love, man!

Edited: 12/11/2016 at 04:30 AM by sharkey

 

My little girl turned 4 this past oct...best thing ever...and YES,get ready for chicken nuggets...haha classic...BUT VERY TRUE...LOL

"The child has ADHD, has TONS of energy, very smart, and has a strong personality."

That was me as a kid. Back then we were just called hyperactive and had to learn to deal with the AHDH ourselves instead of being medicated to death. I think it works out much better that way because it teaches you how to cope with it and in many cases, harness it to your advantage.

I *do* have an adderall prescription, but I didnt get it until I was in my late 30's. I do not need it by any means to get by and the dosage is on the low end (1/2 20mg pill twice a day as needed). A month long script usually lasts me 3 or more. I have learned to cope with ADHD and use it to my advantage so well in my line of work that honestly the adderrall is for when I don't want to drink coffee.

Stimulants are funny for people with ADHD because they are calming. I can drink a cup of coffee and sleep like a baby shortly after.