hahahah, I hear that so much its not even funny

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We’ve been together for 4 years, which isn’t long in the grand scheme of things. But it’s the best four years of my life and he says the same. I fully expect us to be together forever and I have never felt that with anyone else, and neither has he. I love his personality, he makes everything fun, he keeps me laughing, he gets me. He’s the love of my adult life. Other than him, while I had a few boyfriends in between, I had only one other great love of my life.. my young life – we were together from age 18-21. Back then, he surfed but I did not. I loved him deeply. I ended things not because he cheated, lied or did anything terrible. He was a sweet, loving, kind-hearted, good boyfriend. But I was growing up and needing different things. Being that young, I couldn’t quite put my finger on why things didn’t feel right anymore. But looking back, one huge reason was I wanted to be with someone who was a conversationalist and more intellectual and bless his heart, he was not AT ALL. At the time, I wondered if I was making the right decision because he never did anything “wrong.” It was hard to leave him, but I kept telling myself, I know there is someone better suited for me and I will find him. For me, those feelings of “I should leave” were persistent and it took a while before I finally listened. There is something to be said for a nagging inner voice that doesn’t go away no matter how hard you try to ignore it… that goes for career, love, where you live, everything. Change is scary but no risk, no reward.

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[I][/I]

I will echo some of the comments above...Surfing is my refuge and running is hers. We do not bother each other during that alone time from each other and the kids(gotta have that). My wife and I have probably been through more sh@# than most people go through in a lifetime together (meddling inlaws, beating cancer, finances, only to name a few). Wouldn't change a thing though...it has made both of us better people dealing with all the crap together. One of the things I have learned is that its all about communication (and compromise). Gotta communicate and communicate often. When you think you have communicated enough...wrong...communicate even more. Have you openly talked to your significant other about what drives you nuts or what you are truly wanting before fully committing?

Backstory: Dated my wife for 4rs (been married 6yrs now). Surprised she didn't run in the beginning. I accidentally farted on our 2nd date and she still calls me out on it (part of the reason I married her was her sarcasm/sense of humor)... and that the epic day I brought her home to meet the parents my dad answered the door in only his whitey-tightys and proceeded to interrogate her. Can't make this sh@# up if I tried. She wanted to get married quick, but I was straight up with her in the beginning that I didn't want to get married until I finished school and that both of our student debts were paid off. Took a few years, but we stuck through it and got married. 

Feel like I am all over the place trying to answer your questions, but I hope this helps some. Anyway, if you are having doubts...talk it out with her.

 

-Paul

Edited: 10/20/2016 at 12:45 PM by TallPaul

Had it built into my wedding vows, that she must understand the need for me to surf, she said I do

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The Wavecaster

Skimmed this, funny...

Edited: 10/21/2016 at 11:49 AM by SurferMic

LMAO but spot on!!!

 

IMHO she should support & understand it but probably you don't want her in the water surfing...I've just always felt surfing is my solice my alone time perhaps think if time alone with mother ocean or GOD whatever you want to call it...

 

For women the big question is if you want to have a family / children...if so you probably want to be in that serious relationship by mid twenties as you definitely want to have a good few years living together before having a child and I don't think you want to be waiting to much past 30 to do that...Also I second what others have said about settling for mediocre happiness: I had a college sweetheart for nearly 10 years and I stuck around just because that idea of love happily ever after but I was blind there were many red flags which eventually caught up. So yeah definitely if it doesn't seem right or feel right don't be blind to it - talk to people ask opinions maybe not just friends maybe even ask family what they think... 

 

 

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get up early and go surf - it'll make that hangover go away and/or make the workday more tolerable :)

Find someone you can spend time with, I mean truly spend time with.

If your coming to a forum for relationship advice . . . you are aware that something isn't right. People grow and change over time, sometimes, you end up on different paths.

I'm lucky, we both work in the same profession doing the same thing. When I need to vent she "get's it". We're together quite a bit more than most couples I know but it somehow works.

She didn't surf until she felt that she was missing out on being with the kids in the water. At some point, she was being pushed into waves with them . . . then she wanted her own board . . . and it went quickly downhill from there. Today, both kids are in college and we surf any chance we get. It's been a long road with some serious twists and drop-offs but we've survived them.

Married 20 yrs and have a 6th grader and 5th grader. Marriage is a glorified business arrangement...if you can't fit surfing into your marriage then you shouldn't be married. Having kids is when things get serious.

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"If I say it's safe to surf this beach, captain, then it's safe to surf this beach!"

I agree with what quite a few on here alluded to...trust your gut.  

Learn to divide your time and to ride waves that aren't perfect. There is plenty of time to fit in a session if you aren't picky.

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I was right.

Taught my son to surf at 5 - he's 14 now and I don't spend a minute under a tent at little league or soccer - we surf together and my biggest annoyance is that he drops in on me. His mom couldn't be happier that we get our time together in the water. Good shit. Been married 20 years and he is now 14.

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https://www.instagram.com/dj_kaye_/

Coach is to blame. Coach knew, but he did not have the balls to tell us the truth.

All of us sat in the locker room asking Coach to tell us the story again about the time he scored 4 touchdowns in one game, , , , ,. We did not know any better. He should have told us the truth.

While we were listening to Coach the girls were in "health" class, , , , where they were learning everything to know about our bodies, our souls, our minds, our fears, our wants, , , , everything, , , , about us. Coach knew and he never told us the truth. We never stood a chance. The girls had us wrapped up, and we never had a clue. Coach knew.

IF Coach had had the balls to tell us the truth about women, instead of telling us about all of his touchdowns, , , , , today, there would be millions upon millions of hapless women wandering the streets looking for somebody to master.

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Dora Hates You

It can be really great, .....as long as you don't put them on a peddle stool!

These responses are interesting and thoughtfully written.  My husband and I both surf.  Along the way we have agreed it best to surf together when possible as having shared interests works for us, but if it's a nice big wave day, it is best I go with my longboard buds up north while he goes with his crew down south. Everyone is happy! Holding him back isn't cool and me drowning also uncool.  

Tell you what...marriage is awesome. But it isn't for the selfish or the weak. I concur about the statement regarding communication and compromise. Need lots of both.  More that you feel you can stomach.  And really choose your battles.  That one I'm still fine tuning.  I do believe to make it work you gotta have the death til you part attitude otherwise it is too easy to bail during tough times and yes they will come, more than once. 

Many people have the "I just knew" phenomenon yet others decide a nice, steady thing is something great, as that isn't easy to come by either.  I'm mixed as there are successful couples in both camps.  Do listen to your gut. If there is a persistent nagging concern, listen to it.  

The kids thing is even a loftier question but if you want to improve your integrity and tear your selfishness from your being than the biggest love you'll have on earth for a child will do just that. Kids teach us as much (if not more) as we teach them. 

Good luck. 

 

 

 

 

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"The best surfer out there is the one having the most fun."
~Phil Edwards

I "knew" Mrs. Dingpatch for many, many, years before we actually "met".

When she was 14 she "ran away from home" and stayed with a family at Sandpiper Towers which, at the time, was my "hangout beach". We did not meet then, but everybody knew she was "the runaway".

In the early through the mid-'70's she was in the Air Force and stationed at Patrick. She was a TOTAL LOOKER. All us surfer boys ogled the VERY HOT BLONDE WAF!

In the late '70''s we both worked at Documation in Palm Bay. I worked in the machine shop, and she worked in the field service group across the street. It was always one of our favorite things when somebody yelled out "here she comes" as she walked across the street towards our building. My nose print is still on the window to this day. She was so SMOKING HOT! Worked late one night pulling "spares" with her in the warehouse; I did not say a thing to her, I couldn't, I was totally befuddled. She was so fooking hot!

In '82 one of my best childhood friends introduced us. THAT WAS IT. Married since 84.

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Dora Hates You

My first wife got mad when I went surfing. She was gone after a couple of years. My wife of 35 years got mad when she couldn't go. I've never seen another woman who would do the crap I put her thru on excursions. Paddled out at a secret spot in Panama, when I got out and looked at her, she looked like an ant on a white strip with jungle behind her. Caught the first wave in, made her a spear with my knife, and paddle back out. She camped in CR for 2 months with minimal complaints.

Good advice everyone, I appreciate everyone's input!

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this

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Met a girl while I was a lifeguard in NJ in the 70's.  She said she surfed.  I thought 'yea, sure, rented a board once or something'.  Our 2nd date was a surf session in pure glass at Boardwalk Ave in Ocean City.  She paddled out first in shoulder high waves.  As she dropped into her first wave and cranked a bottom turn and up off the lip, right in front of me, I thought "I sure hope I can surf this borrowed board and not lose face".  I did.  married her a few months later.  36 years later I can say life was typified by early morning wake ups where she said "get up!  I checked the buoys and it is 5' at 12 seconds and offshore".  No saturday yard work for me, the girl wants to surf!  Hatteras trips every year for 20 years, up and down the whole Pacific west coast, trips to HA and CR.  So I don't know what you folks are talking about when you say to manage time between surf and family??  You mean your whole family doesn't surf?  I wonder what that is like?  :-)  OK, OK, I am lucky, agreed.

The marriage thing. You don't have to be right in every discussion. It doesn't matter in the long run. Let it go.

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I was right.