Seriously, I love coming to you guys with questions. Surfers share a mindset and attitude on life that is hard to find elsewhere...

 

My question today is on women, surfing, and life (aka all hard topics minus the middle one)

 

What advice do you guys want to pass on to young surfers in regards to relationships with friends, significant others, women, etc..

 

Advice on your highschool sweethearts or semi-serious college relationships

Good advice I've heard is to not worry about settling from a young age, I'd like to hear more on when you guys found a keeper and how you knew forsure. Did you have feelings of doubt? Are you completely happy? Is it true what they say that true love is once you start accepting the person at the other end of the relationship once puppy love is done?

 

Lets hear it!

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simple phrase works,  "don't do it"   be happy, be free, travel and do as you wish.   If you do do it, learn another phrase,  cheaper to keep her.

so dont do it

 

Don't marry???

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I once read a book that one of the words of wisdom was "don't marry a girl that surfs and don't teach your wife to surf." The idea being that it takes away from surfing being your "refuge" from life. I tend to agree.

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Replace turf grass with native plants that don't need irrigation and synthetic fertilizers or chemicals that can go into our waterways and ocean

 

Haha it'll be funny to see who shares a similar view. I'd feel like it'd be beautiful to share epic surf and travel the world with your SO searching out epic point breaks.... (is that a pipe dream?)

 

See, and on another note. So many times I hear light hearted jokes about wifes and marriage and it really makes me think whether theres something more to it or whether its just a light joke

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Edited: 10/20/2016 at 07:07 AM by mattbujor

I actually agree with that. My partner and I have different sports experiences, but we both support each other and understand the concept of dropping everything for a session, whether it be a surf session because the waves just got good, or an impromptu soccer game. I've had it the other way, and while it was nice at first, surfing really IS my refuge, and this makes it more relaxing for me. I don't like having to wait for anyone or go somewhere I'd rather not - I like being in control of my own experience . Other than that, I'd highly recommend being coupled. If you have a good, supportive partner, they make your life better, and that's how it should be.

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[Feminism is] a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians. ~Pat Robertson

I've been married over 40 years, so yea I did it young. It's a promise. You commit. your work through the tough stuff, you enjoy the good stuff together.
My wife sees the ocean as my mistress, resents it if I spend too much time with that other woman. I deal with it, keep the balance.

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"The truth is incontrovertible.
malice may attack it,
ignorance may deride it,
but in the end,
there it is." -Sir Winston Churchill

Surfing is my refuge as well and I can totally agree with the idea that I don't like having to wait for others, baby them in the water or to get out, or go to an undesireable surf spot. Being coupled is awesome, completely awesome.

 

I did commit (not marriage) and did work through the tough stuff. But at what point do you know to drop out?

 

Theoretically say you have a relationship where you're both happy, doing your own things and enjoying things together, a supportive relationship. But what if you desire more? Or what if communication slows down due to distance and business and though you love and support each other, you don't know if its working out still?

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Hey Candy, ask your Mommy.

I can't really speak to the when to "drop out" question.

Certainly I sometimes "desire more", but I don't always expect to get what I desire.
Communication has often slowed down or even sometimes maybe even sped up too much.
But I stood in front of God & family and promised "until death do us part".
I meant it. And I'm still in love, and have a permanent best friend

No judgment here, really, we all have to make our own choices.



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"The truth is incontrovertible.
malice may attack it,
ignorance may deride it,
but in the end,
there it is." -Sir Winston Churchill

Edited: 10/20/2016 at 06:18 PM by WG

I am fortunate to have a wife that supports my surfing habit not complaining when I leave most mornings by 6 for dp and take hours out of a weekend to surf. She likes the beach but is not an ocean person and only comes with me when the weather cooperates and she has the free time. She has also traveled with me and our son (who surfs) on surf trips to Costa, Nica, and the North Shore and doesn't complain (much). I think she has had her full of surf trips though and I need to get resourceful.

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Replace turf grass with native plants that don't need irrigation and synthetic fertilizers or chemicals that can go into our waterways and ocean

Glad to hear your stories guys! Keep em' coming!

 

 

 

 

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sneedeker

Can I answer this from a woman’s perspective? My advice - DON’T SETTLE FOR MEDIOCRE HAPPINESS. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Find “the one” and be wildly happy. I like what moody said above “If you have a good, supportive partner, they make your life better, and that's how it should be.”  My husband was in his 40’s when we met, I was in my mid-30’s.  He had never been married and never had kids. He is a pilot and personally I think he was jaded from seeing so many failed marriages in that career field. He wasn’t sure if he would ever get married. After about 8 months of dating, he said he knew. One of the reasons he gave for his knowing was that I make him want to be a better person. I feel the same about him. I was pretty selfish before him and so was he, but that all changed when we met.  One unexpected thing that happened to me in my marriage, which kind of evolved with our relationship, was that I fell in love with his flaws. Don’t get me wrong, he drives me to the brink of insanity sometimes, but strange as it sounds, I love that about him and wouldn’t change it because he keeps me on my toes (his flaws aren’t hurtful to our marriage, they are more like personality-type annoyances). In other relationships, I hated my partners flaws and ended up hating my partners because of them lol  But with my husband, I love every imperfection. Also contributing to our overall happiness, we don’t have kids. I know that’s not for everyone, but it certainly makes our life easy peasy. Surfing, traveling, boating, hanging with friends, dinners. Life is good. Good luck and DON’T SETTLE!

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[I][/I]

 

If you don't mind me asking, how long have you guys been together?

I had all of those same feelings with my current gf but honestly things started fading away and her flaws started really annoying me and chaning the quality of my life when I am with her (at certain points, not all the time). She's a great person and I do absolutely love her but I just don't feel it you know??

 

And I am scared of leaving a perfect situation over what could be small dumb things.

 

I've seen so many relationships end and divorces after 10-20 years and I can't help but think that it took that long.... Thats what scares me most.

 

And surfgal, do you still share those same feelings with him? It's great to hear your story. I've heard quite a few similar ones where people find their "perfect love" in their 30's and 40's and marry after only a few months. They all say they just knew. I'm so young and so is my SO so there is time to figure ourselves out but its so sad to think a relationship can end from pure boredom or unhappiness verus typical relationship problems of cheating, lying, etc..

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My wife surfs, it works pretty well, I can borrow her boards, we choose destinations to travel to we can surf at. She gets mad when I burn her though As for the rest of it, I think you can have two choices surf a lot when you are younger and work more later or work more when your younger and surf more later. I took the latter path.

Don't let them get sunburned!

 

Don't get married. Don't have kids. Plenty of time for that once you feel like life isn't about surfing anymore...then take up gardening. LMFAO...but even then, don't get married!!!!!

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If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.